GEORGIA ON HER MIND

Hi Uncle Jim,
   I have a pretty severe dilemma that needs resolution very soon. To be exact, before the 10th of Sept. Lets rewind to one year ago, when I meet my current girl friend at my previous job. She is a single mother of two beautiful girls who are now 3 and 2.
Love and emotions grew quick between the two of us, and after a few months she moved into my apt. She has been living here with the two girls for about 9 months now, without my family even knowing. Mostly because we were both held back in letting people know we lived together. In a matter of one week her family decided to move to Georgia (I currently live in NJ). She feels that she should go because she needs the help of her family with the kids so she can go to school and work. If she were to stay here then she would have to either loss one of those responsibilities. Now I am planning to move out into a bigger apt, with the help of my mother. I don't know how to suddenly break the news that we will be moving together if she decides to stay, which in my heart I really want. She as well wants to stay but feels the responsibility will be too hard on her. She is also upset about not being able to take as much part in the new buying process that she wants, though she does understand that is both of our faults that that's occurring. So now she has decided to go, and I don't want her to. Should I let her go or fight for our love to continue here in NJ? Time is limited now and she lets her emotions get the best of her when it comes to being upset at me b/c she herself doesn't know what to do. Thank you for any advise and time you can offer!
 
-Jose

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Jose,

I applaud you for reaching out to your uncle for some guidance in your battle between emotion and logic. I will answer your inquiry line by line. First some uncleisms:
[Adults don't tell other adults what to do.]
[First, become your own person.]

Hi Uncle Jim,
   I have a pretty severe dilemma that needs resolution very soon. To be exact, before the 10th of Sept. Lets rewind to one year ago, when I meet my current girl friend at my previous job.

 ["Current girl friend," and "previous job," tells me that Jose has not found THE women, just a current girlfriend and not established a career, just another job.]

She is a single mother of two beautiful girls who are now 3 and 2.
 

[She is also a very foolish girl to have two children and no husband. Odds are that they will grow up to be just as foolish and irresponsible as their mother is.]

Love and emotions grew quick between the two of us, and after a few months she moved into my apt.

[The correct terms are INFATUATION and HORMONES. Moving her in was a poor decision.]

She has been living here with the two girls for about 9 months now...

[By what process of logic can Jose raise two stranger's kids when he has just left his previous job? Does your "current girlfriend" get support for these kids? Does the father or fathers have visitation rights? Is paternity certain or uncertain? Do you have any clue as to the complications that come with two "fatherless" children?]

...without my family even knowing. Mostly because we were both held back in letting people know we lived together.

[Interesting. You hesitate to tell your family that you are living together but somehow you are sure you can raise two beautiful children with a foolish mother in a shack up living arrangement. The Nation Anthem starts with  "Jose, can you see..." Open your eyes.]

In a matter of one week her family decided to move to Georgia (I currently live in NJ). She feels that she should go because she needs the help of her family with the kids so she can go to school and work. If she were to stay here then she would have to either loss one of those responsibilities.
 
[One week - they must have been really crazy about the grand kids! LET HER GO. Maybe they will all move to Texas while you are currently here in New Jersey. This is the best thing that could happen to you, a graceful way out of a bad situation. LET HER GO.]

Now I am planning to move out into a bigger apt, with the help of my mother.
[You need mom's help to move into a bigger apartment, but you are able to raise two stranger's kids. Wake up nephew!]

I don't know how to suddenly break the news that we will be moving together if she decides to stay, which in my heart I really want.

[Gee, what if mom gets mad and you can't afford the move? You could wind up with more expenses and a current girlfriend and her two beautiful fatherless daughters.  I don't know if you are thinking with your heart or some other organ but the other organ is definitely not your brain. Let her go, you won't have to break the news and it solves your problem]

She as well wants to stay but feels the responsibility will be too hard on her.
[Why? Once Jose gets the nerve to tell mom, everything will be just fine - according to your heart. After two kids she is finally starting to see the light. She does but you don't.]

She is also upset about not being able to take as much part in the new buying process that she wants, though she does understand that is both of our faults that that's occurring.
[Neither she nor you can afford to support yourselves and two kids, but you are concerned about "the new buying process." One of us is missing something.]

So now she has decided to go, and I don't want her to. Should I let her go or fight for our love to continue here in NJ?

[Sorry Jose, I can not recommend fighting to worsen an already bad situation. She is an adult. DO NOT TELL HER WHAT TO DO! ]

Time is limited now and she lets her emotions get the best of her when it comes to being upset at me because she herself doesn't know what to do.

[SHE lets HER emotions get the best of her? She is trying to be logical. YOU are in an emotional fog.]

Thank you for any advise and time you can offer!
-Jose


[Listen to your Uncle Jim. I know how men think and will demonstrate it right here. If you talk her into staying, within 3 days to 3 weeks doubts will rise in your mind. (Let me know.) Print and save this response. Some day you will thank me for the good advise or regret not listening. Here is the deal. Send her to Georgia. Tell her you will test the strength of your love apart for one year. Your LOVE can survive a year - right? Then, in a few months tell Uncle Jim about your new CHILDLESS girlfriend. One more thing, does my big macho nephew have the nerve to show this response to his girlfriend?]

I'm waiting,
Everybody's Uncle 
Call me, Saturday 10:30 - noon. 973-267-WMTR (9687)

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